I'm working on Barber's Hermit Songs, hoping to learn the entire set. As Maria von Trapp in The Sound of Music suggests, I've started at the very beginning with "St. Patrick's Purgatory", and it has provided me with food for thought.
"What shall I do with a heart that seeks only its own ease?" is a line that keeps going through my head. I strongly identify with it. Most people seek the easiest path, the shortest way, but that isn't supposed to be the Christian way. Why else were all those ascetics mortifying the flesh by wearing hair shirts and beating themselves with a cat-o-nine-tails? The recent slogans asking "What would Jesus do?" and encouraging people to "Do hard things" sprang out of the desire of modern Christians to surmount their comfortable lives and be purified in the struggle.
I can't help wondering if my current spiritual path feels good because it seems easy. I've been letting go of so many spiritual roadblocks put up years ago when I didn't feel worthy to connect with God. I've also gotten closer to accepting the idea that God has always known me, known who I'd be, and loves me as I am. It feels increasingly right to me, which is why I'm still having a hard time being OK with all of it. I've been trained and have trained myself to be suspicious when things feel good, usually because I have a rather lazy nature and a gift for finding comfort.
"But not a tear can I squeeze from my eye, nor moisten an eye after so much sin...and I with a heart not softer than a stone." I think I'm really going to enjoy performing this song. I'm no saint, but it seems Patrick and I have some things in common.
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