I'm glad I didn't check my horoscope today. It would have spoiled the surprises this evening held in store. (Although this blog was published on September 11, 2011, the events described occurred mostly on September 10.)
After a long day of rehearsal with the Trinity Choir, all of whom I cherish, I had plans to spend some time with my good friend, David. I took a nap, went running, and had a protein shake before going over to his place, where he introduced me to Better Off Ted. That was the first happy surprise of the evening. Brilliantly written and so funny!
Next, David and I went to Charley's to go dancing. I'm glad I went because I learned a couple things and asserted one other that's still pretty new for me. All of these were happy surprises.
First, I learned that I have my heart back. After two years of healing, my heart is whole. Certain wounds still ache, but they no longer bleed. It's been a long time coming, and I'm stronger for the struggle.
Second, I learned that David can dance! That boy has moves and rhythm that I NEVER expected! He knows all the lyrics, and dances with an abandon of which I didn't think him capable. It was joyful just to watch him, and it was even better to dance with him. I haven't had that much fun on the dance floor for as long as I can remember.
Third, I reasserted my determination not to accept someone's attention just because they were paying it to me. More than one person tried to put unwelcome moves on me tonight, both on the dance floor and off, and I had no problem shutting them down. It was so liberating not to feel obligated or desperate or grateful. I wasn't an asshole, but I wasn't a doormat either. And those people who thought it was appropriate or acceptable to touch me without some sign that I welcomed it need to learn some manners. I definitely do NOT like it!
Finally, I would like to address someone who was also at the bar tonight: I was just as surprised to find you at the bar this evening as you obviously were to see me there. No, I did not show up just to ruin your birthday celebration, and nothing I did tonight was aimed in your direction. I think it's funny that neither of you are capable of acting like adults. Don't you think it's time we greet each other in public instead of trying to pretend we don't see each other, rushing past each other when forced to briefly share the same space? I'm not saying we have to be friends, but given what's gone on between us, a little civility would make life less uncomfortable for all of us. Your boyfriend still acts like I'm trying to steal you. It's been two years since you left me, and you've made it perfectly clear who you chose. At the very least, now I know for certain what I suspected all along and what you never had the decency to tell me to my face. You went back to him, and you know what? I'm actually happy for you both. If you two are happy together, then that's where you belong, and I'm finally free of ever wanting you back. That might have happened a lot sooner if you'd had the balls to say something like you promised you would, but it doesn't matter now.
I think all of this means that I like myself. This is new, and it feels really good. It's a step closer to being all one peace.
:)
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