Did You Think to Pray?

The last week has been a gathering storm full of blackening skies and threatening winds. The consequences of my foibles have boomeranged back to me in various ways and seemed to outweigh anything I might have to offer in compensation. Yesterday was so intensely dark, it was physically hard to breathe.

Felicitously, Chris and I had a counseling session last night and light broke through to displace the gloom. Of the many things we discussed, our counselor suggested we include a daily mutual meditative ritual to help us get in sync whenever we settle in together at the end of the day, or in other words, that we pray together.

I used to pray on a regular, regimented basis. I would have been one of those Athenians Paul addressed when he told them that in all things they were too superstitious. Religiosity pervaded my life, draining the vitality from spiritually-centering rituals, and I struggled to find my spiritual self. Many potentially helpful acts were abandoned. The counselor’s suggestion last night was the equivalent of reminding me I needed a spiritual V-8. Cautious hope stirred.

This morning, before I left to go running, Chris and I knelt down to pray. The sweet relief that flooded my soul from our simple prayer was immediate and profound, soothing my life-scalded consciousness like sweet salve. Tranquility distilled upon the both of us and, in that moment, concerns we expressed last night lost their urgency. As this day progresses, peace centers my soul and forgiveness for myself and others lightens my heart. Amazing grace, indeed.

“Ere you left your room this morning, did you think to pray?” queries a hymn from my youth. “In the name of Christ, our Savior, did you sue for loving favor as a shield today?...

When your heart was filled with anger, did you think to pray? Did you plead for grace, my brother, that you might forgive another who had crossed your way?...

When sore trials came upon you, did you think to pray? When your soul was full of sorrow, Balm of Gilead did you borrow at the gates of day?

Oh, how praying rests the weary! Prayer will change the night to day. So when life gets dark and dreary, don’t forget to pray.”

Day of the Dead was Yesterday!

You're a day late. Ghosts are supposed to be back in their graves by now. Your voice on the phone is untimely. Why is it that every single freakin' time I hear your voice my being responds like it's been hit with an electric charge? It takes me hours to calm back down and forget again.

Yet, you are never gone. You color everything - my thoughts, my decisions, my feelings. I was reborn through you and then you left me to fend for myself. There are times now that I want to see you again and say and do all the things I had repressed in the hopes of getting you back. I wonder if you would still haunt me like you do if I had gone ahead and purged you like everyone told me to. It's only in moments like these that I become aware of how bitter I am. I chose not to hate you so my soul wouldn't be cankered with your betrayal but the feelings are still there regardless of my ignorance.

Go away now. Sleep now. Leave me with my hollow peace.