A Stray Piece Finds Its Home

This was originally written and posted as a Facebook note on May 6, 2009. I'm posting it here because it relates to the blog topic (and especially the post A Riff on Abinadai)...and because I knew I had written it and couldn't remember where I put it. It marked the beginning of a spiritual re-birth for me, and it was a lesson I'm still learning into my soul. Now, it's where it belongs:

"After reading an essay in the book Peculiar People, I got to thinking about a verse that has been a sort of talisman of mine for years. My interpretation of it was basic to my understanding of the order of things. I understand it differently now and my world is changed.

Mosiah 3:19 says that "the natural man is an enemy to God." I've used those words to justify my considerable self-hatred for years. This morning, for the first time, I looked at the words around that bold declaration to understand its context. The entire chapter is King Benjamin's effort to convince the people of Christ's coming, an event that wasn't yet a fait accompli in this temporal continuum. He was addressing their "natural" problem believing in things they couldn't see. Viewed in this way, the carnal condition isn't so much having desires relating to the flesh as it is being limited by that flesh, unable to "see" things with an inner, spiritual eye. This spiritual vision is the only way for us, in our telestial state, to sense Christ and believe Him. Believing Christ is, of course, crucial to transcending the conditions of mortality. Those who cling to their limited mortal sight are condemning themselves to misery and death.

In my set of scriptures, which I have had since I was 12, this verse is boxed off in red pen. In isolating this verse in my book from the rest of the words around it, I have done the same thing in my mind and heart, distorting the verse's deeper meaning. I have wrested the scriptures without even realizing it. Of course, I had help since this is a favorite verse for many Church members to quote, ignorantly beating themselves and their brothers and sisters over the head. Having said that, I feel a deep need to repent of my lack of trust in Christ's love. He says over and over not to fear, and that the most important thing is love. I hope this seemingly subtle paradigm shift will help me to finally and fully receive Him. I already feel a connection with the me I thought I had lost, and I have hope."