Last Thursday, I was taking a quick lunch at Taco Bell with Chris when Dr. Kennedy, my neurologist, called. To make a long story short, after sending my scans to doctors around the country, I have been tentatively diagnosed with non-cancerous meningioma. In layman's terms, I have a tumor in the lining around my brain. It is near my pituitary gland and pressing on the optic nerve bundle for my left eye, inhibiting muscle response and causing a condition known as strabismus. I am being referred to Doctor William Couldwell in Salt Lake City for further treatment.
I'm not as frightened today as I was during the weekend. I've had a little time to process the information I was given, although I'm really anxious to see this new doctor so I can get some more answers. I'd also like to see the scans showing this remote mote in my eye. Or is it a beam? Either way, I'd really like to be able to see clearly again.
I've often wondered if there isn't a spiritual connection between my vision troubles and my choice to ignore the Church's stand on gay sexual activity. Chris articulated one of my fears for me on the drive to Idaho Falls Monday morning. He mentioned personality changes that occur with brain tumors and brain surgery. "What if you wake up and you're not gay anymore?" What if, indeed. Apparently, for all my reading and experience over the last few years, I'm in as many peaces now as I ever was.
