Calm As a Summer's Morning

I just returned from attending a fireside at the Satterfield Stake Center where my parents sang with the Sounds Choir. It was a lovely program, and I was happy to hear how well the choir was sounding. Their rendition of "My Shepherd Will Supply My Need" as arranged by Mack Wilburg brought me to tears and stirred up memories of singing that very arrangement in a broadcast with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir when I was still a student at Ricks College. As usual, when faced with memories of past religious and spiritual experiences, I initially experienced conflicting thoughts and emotions, including significant pain about my current relationship with "the Church."

What was unusual about this encounter was how quickly that conflict came to clarity and unification. This personal epiphany occurred as the choir started to perform "Calm as a Summer's Morning," a narrated musical reflection on Joseph Smith by Lex de Azevedo. When I sang with Sounds years ago, we performed this piece, so it was one with which I was familiar. Back then, I was deeply moved by it, and regarded the experience as a further witness of the divinity of Joseph's calling. As I listened to the text and the music this time, it struck me how much it strove to evoke and manipulate emotion. Whenever the text departed from quotation, that fact became uncomfortably apparent, and it did not have the ring of truth to my soul. Instead, I was filled with the strong thought that "Brother Joseph" would not have approved of this piece at all, that perhaps he might even have been embarrassed or incensed by it. In a way, it seemed a form of idol worship. In contrast with my previous experience, this piece was witness to the type of departure from the true discipleship of Christ that has bothered me about the Mormon culture for many years. In their isolation in the Salt Lake valley, while the Mormons nursed the wounds of their previous persecution, a culture of Latter-Day prophet worship sprang up, flourished and has continued to this day. They often voice that this is not the case, but their actions speak much louder than their words. This is not to say that they do not worship Jesus Christ, nor does it mean that their doctrine is less than Christ-centered, but their worship is diluted by their devotion to the men with "the mantle."

So what did I gain from this experience? It confirmed for me things that I'd been tossing around in my head for quite a while now. I believe Joseph Smith saw God and Jesus Christ. I believe he communed with them more than once. I believe, in general, that the work wrought through him is of God. However, I actively question much of what transpired after he was killed. I believe moving the Saints out of harm's way for an extended period of time was an inspired move on Brigham Young's part, perhaps even inspired of God. I do NOT believe, however, that the culture that developed afterward, and influenced later interpretation and application of doctrine, is what God meant to do.  Spending a couple of years with the Episcopalians has focused my view on how Christ-centered worship should be handled and what it looks like.

I also gained some relief from the feeling that I was somehow being led astray by my own arrogance. The conviction that brought these thoughts home to me is the same conviction I felt when I had my first real religious awakening. It brought me some hope that perhaps I am on the right path to becoming all one peace.