I finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower for the third time today. Sam and Charlie's discussion while she packs for college had a greater impact on me this time through than it had the last two times I read it. I think I was ready for it this time.
I haven't been participating, at least not as much as I could. I spend so much of my life taking care of other people's feelings that I'm often out of touch with my own. It's not that I don't experience emotion so much as I don't know what the emotions mean...or what to do about them. I know this because of an experience I had three weeks ago.
For once in my life, I knew what I wanted and I moved on it and took it. When the person on the other end of my kiss started to ask me what it meant, I told them to shut up, flirty and confident, and went on kissing them. After a couple other attempts at defining this event, the recipient accepted it and we had an enjoyable evening. In the past, I would have clouded the event with words and uncertainty. This time, I acted on what I felt. Although this person and I won't likely be picking out a china pattern or building our dream house, that moment was a revelation to me. No more sideline lurking for me.
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