Hell

Off my Adderall for two days. Chris tells me his income is being cut by more than half. I'm not reacting well. Next morning, it's a rough morning. I have a small breakdown on the way to work. I get to work and I'm speeding off my mental rails. I'm turning on the public PC's and it hits me: I'm in hell. We're all in hell, and I'm in hell. It's at that point the suicidal thoughts go away and I start to laugh because it's really, really funny. I'm in hell. And I can choose how I feel in hell. So I laugh and get a little of my power back. I remember to take my meds. I still have two more breakdowns later that day as well as an anxiety attack. But as long as I remember I'm in hell, all the bad things happening make sense and I can accept them and it's all very funny.