Urgency vs. Anxiety

Until recently, I wasn't aware that urgency and anxiety were two different things. Although they often occur simultaneously, they are not mutually inclusive. You can experience one without the other. Having just realized the difference, I am taking my first baby steps to live with urgency instead of anxiety.

In the past, urgent situations would present themselves and I would respond to the accompanying anxiety by retreating, refusing to act. I numbed myself with television and music. I distracted myself with household tasks and minutiae.

Unfortunately, these situations don't disappear because they are being ignored. They compound, sooner or later representing themselves in their newly more urgent form.

Deadlines are often involved in these situations, and I think much of the accompanying anxiety comes not in the situation itself but in the requirement to find and execute a resolution in the specified time. I'm not sure how to deal with that yet. Identifying the problem is the first step, but where do I go from here? How do I solve it?

So, here begins my effort to deal differently with the anxiety that accompanies difficult situations in my life. I don't have many answers yet, but I think I am headed in a better direction.

Ringing in My Ears

A lady came into the library yesterday morning with her mother and two small children. The older of the two children was about three years old and could speak quite clearly. I know this because she quite clearly registered her distress that there were earrings in my ears. Her tiny voice projected her anxiety around the otherwise-tranquil second floor, eliciting some embarrassed "shoosh"-ing from her mother and grandmother, as well as some sharply mixed feelings from me.

In that moment, I wanted to comfort the child and let her know the sky wasn't falling. At the same time, I felt a stab of shame and a brief flood of resentment that this small child had already and obviously been taught that boys who wear ear jewelry are to be feared. Finally, I was amused by the mother's chagrin that her daughter had not yet been taught discretion to hide her prejudice.

At one time, I was much like this child. I would often tell people in the supermarket that they shouldn't have beer or cola in their shopping carts because Heavenly Father said those things were bad for us. One evening in the Idaho Falls K-Mart, I loudly registered my surprise when a smoker took pity on my whining and purchased a small toy for me from a vending machine when my parents wouldn't. "He's a nice man...and he smokes!" was my exclamation. My mortified folks thanked the man and later taught me that not all smokers were bad. I tell this story to show that I understand this little girl.

"Careful the things you say. Children will listen. Careful the things you do. Children will see...and learn." These words from Stephen Sondheim's masterwork Into the Woods regularly ring in my ears.

Parents often attempt to protect their children by teaching them things to watch out for in people. These things  frequently have to do with how a person looks. Will there ever come a time when children will be taught to evaluate others based on how those others treat the people around them? 1 Samuel 16:7 says in part: "...for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." How else is that heart measured if not by how it motivates us to treat others?

I hope when that little girl grows up, she gets a tattoo and dyes a blue streak in her hair. Then she'll see, as I often do, who people really are. It will ring in her ears, too.

(This blog was concurrently published in From Where I Stand.)